Today begins a new era in the Catbox with the birth of a segment called “Dear Abby”. I will post all sorts of interesting situations for which advice is desperately needed. Then you, my loyal readers, will be providing said advice to guide those that have lost their way. These are real situations…or perhaps stolen from the real lives of real characters on real TV sit-coms. No advice is too harsh or inappropriate; just tell us what you really think in your heart of hearts (which is the tiny heart inside your beating heart). Our dear friend, and loyal commenter, Abby will be comment-advising with you as if this segment was named specifically for her…because it was. I am sure she will have excellent advice, but do not let that deter the rest of you from commenting. Here is our first sticky situation from a reader in Scranton, PA:
BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO
Dear Abby,
I am an accountant at a mid-range paper supply company and have been in a relationship with the top paper salesmen at my local branch. Then he murdered my cat, Sprinkles, and I had to break up with him. How do you tell someone it’s over? You send them a notarized letter, right? Well, what if the recipient is your notary?
Sincerely,
Soon to be Single in Scranton
PS- Do you have any men that you could fix me up with? I would like to have a relationship with a man.
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Having been blessed with the nickname ToddCat, what else could I possibly name my blog? There are all sorts of interesting things buried in the Catbox. Come dig around for a scoop of fun-filled awesomeness.
9 comments:
Maybe you could look around in your office and see if there are any other salesmen that have shown you any special attention. You never know what might happen.
Dear "Soon to Be Single in Scranton,"
I empathize with you in your sticky situation. Greg's advice is good advice for the long-term, but your heart may be too scarred to just jump into a relationship. (Besides, having been in a relationship with the top saleperson at your company, anyone else would seem like a step down.)
I suggest starting slow. First, I agree that it this situation, sending a notarized letter is the appropriate way to end the relationship. Any bank or law office would have a notary that you can use. To save time and the price of the stamp, however, you could just place the letter to be notarized on your notary's desk and in the process of notarizing the document, he would get the message.
Second, and I know this will be difficult, start looking for a new cat. A good way to heal a heartache is to give your heart someone new to love. Sprinkles will have left a gaping void. I can tell that you are a Christian woman, so you know that healing comes through saving souls--both human and animal. Find yourself a suffering feline soul to save.
Then, once you've begun to recover from the loss of Sprinkles, you can start scouting out a new romantic relationship and our friend, Greg, is exactly right, the office is a great place to start.
Good luck and keep us appraised of your progress.
Abby
Perhaps you should look for the next person to serenade you using a double speaker phone set up. Be careful, though, because this person may have had a really rocky relationship with a part-time frozen yogurt salesman not too long ago, and wounds need time to heal.
Well, as spokesman for Soon to Be Single in Scranton (or STBSIS) I can tell you that she was looking for dinner and a movie, but could not find it in the box she was rooting through. She doesn’t have time to think about it right now, though. Today her boss says to her plan a party Angela…
Oh, and the entire world will see it…
Oh, and here’s $65 for your budget…
Oh, and here are 4 idiots who’ll do nothing but weight you down…
Oh, and your cat’s still dead.
If only she could find a guy with a beautiful ice sculpture.
Just go ahead and take a chance on Toby. FYI Toby is also a good name for a cat, solving two problems at once.
Toby would be fine, but he seems smitten with Pam, the office mattress.
I'd really like to see how Darrel and Kelly might fair...
I think perhaps you might need to look at that person you sit next to. You know who I am talking about---the handsome man from Mexico (or at least his parents are from Mexico). I really think you can help him through his phase.
Well, I do feel bad about certain events and certain situations so maybe I will ask him to be on the party planning committee. I will at least help him celebrate his Mexicanity.
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