Friday, April 4, 2008

The Amish + deception + pitchforks + quilts= MURDER!!!

The Catbox is back, ladies and gentlemen. It’s back because there was an excellent episode of Murder, She Wrote on last night that you should all know about. Here’s what happened:

Jessica was in Pennsylvania to meet with her publisher (I’m guessing) and decides to head out to some quaint Amish town to buy a lovely Amish quilt for her nephew’s anniversary. What nephew’s doesn’t want a hand-made Amish quilt? Anyway, her publisher’s liaison offers to drive her there so she doesn’t have to take the bus. As they get to town they are run off the road by some teenage buggy driver who was going around the corner too fast. Her driver hurt his back and they have to rely on the hospitality of the local Amish folk because it’s Sunday and neither the car (nor his back) can be fixed.
Well, it turns out that her driver grew up in the Amish community and was shunned 5 years prior. This creates a lot of tension and drama, but Jessica handles it like a pro…she keeps quiet every time a fight is about to erupt. It’s like she wants to see a couple of guys duke it out. Anyway, the main Amish elder (who, by the way, is maybe 40….and is the leader even though there are tons of old men around who are always dispensing their Amish wisdom) who shunned him ends up dead. Not to fear, though, because Jessica’s on the case. She uncovers that the shunned driver and the elder’s wife (played by Gwendolyn form Charles in Charge) used to have the hots for each other and were probably going to get married so the elder told the driver he was going to sully her reputation, thus causing a fight for which the driver could not fully repent without revealing what the elder had said. So he was shunned to protect the woman he loved.
Then there is a pregnant woman (also shunned) selling quilts that Jessica somehow determined had an affair with the elder. When the pregnant woman confronted him about it there was a tussle and he fell on a pitchfork (allegedly). So there you have it. According to Angela Lansbury and the writers of Murder, She Wrote the Amish are a clan of murderous, aldutering liars.